What The?

I have been under immense pressure to put on a new blog. So I have. Or moreso, I will. At the moment It is like a neverending party at my house. My flatmate has pissed off for the weekend, so i have my house to myself. This means I am living in my lounge. It is great. That is all.

All these tests.

only this blog has them. scroll down to read the real blogs

The Straight Stand up and be heard! You're 30% gay!

You're straight! You can choose whether or not you should be proud of that. You have just enough gay in you to not look like a liar, but too little to be really gay. You're suprised, aren't you?

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 47% on homopoints

Link: The Am I Gay? Test written by alone2gether on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Han Solo You scored 12% airiness, 15% squishiness, and 36% edginess!

According to our patented JawamaticTM technology, you are most like Han Solo in personality. Han Solo is down-to-earth and improvisational, cool-headed and cynical. Appeals to emotion rarely sway him, but as he matured throughout the saga, he let his less-well-developed compassionate side show occasionally. Solo is, in a word, cool. (The polar opposite of Han Solo is Princess Leia Organa.) The eight profiles are as follows: Han Solo Yoda Chewbacca Threepio Artoo Darth Vader Luke Skywalker Princess Leia

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 3% on airiness You scored higher than 5% on squishiness You scored higher than 37% on edginess

Link: The Star Wars Personality Test written by MiguelSanchez on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

A list of what do you do? things.

What do you do if....

You are dead?
fall in a hole and break your toe?
See that thing you want but its been run over by a truck?
Your walking in the forest and dick cheney shoots you?
Stuck in a mine?
Lose to a south african rugby team?
Lose to all the south african rugby teams?
Get drunk and find yourself in Gore or Upper hutt? DEpends on current geographical location of your person.
End up becoming a labour supporter?
Get beaten by your old man in xbox?
Find yourself in the wrong department in farmers?
Get biten by a shark?
On land?
Look and smell like that stray dog running around the neigbourhood?

This is the extent of my brainpower at the moment, However if you have any i will add them.

Lines up the shot, gets the rebound, SCORES

This is a major ethical problem facing the teens of today. If a person you like is on the rebound, is it wise and more so Ethical to try to hook up with this person?? I think not. When doing the dating game its not a good thing and is purely advised against is the manual of dating. Dating is not A basketball game where picking up rebbounds is beneficial to the teams overall score. No this is a different type of score, the one that doesnt win games or friends. It is unethical and in the middle east the penalty is the same as inbreeding. Death! Maybe we should encourage these sort of penaltys against those sick minded individuals who pray on the weak of mind at a time of their weakest. You know who you are, you white trash pigs. many people cannot discuss their views on this matter openly. those pigs. Well new zealand its up to you to stop this wartime atrocities. Death to the infidels.

The common mispreconception about contraception.

Hey that got your attention, You must be such perves!!!! Jokes. Anyway after that attention grabbing title I must keep it with some awe inspiring words of wisdom. Slogans like stay in school, and Don't do drugs arent really the type of slogans i want to be purveying. As most of my readers are out of school and on drugs. I dont want to appear judgemental to my friends. Aye sez! Anyway the most breaking news i have is that there was a tsunami warning in the early hours of this morning and i bet you that most of you sleepyheads didnt even know about it. This is bad. Myself being a night owl watching bbc and fox friends live knew about it straight away. I then watched to see if the people who werent nice to me and (think that they can just make it up somehow later) would later see me on my rooftop floating down macandrew rd. However this wasnt the case. The sea level around us did rise one foot. So i went down to the beach at nine thirty to see it. I didnt see this one foot rise. Low point of my day. But the good thing is that Dunedin would have beared the brunt of it. The aucklanders would have felt it. High point of my day. Its quite a random event. So new zealand maybe instead of watching the disaster after math on the six acolock news. Maybe we should watch the news as it happens. On three.

Children and Old People In supermarkets

Whats the freaking deal with that? Snotty faced, poo bummed children not contempt to just be idiots at home they have to go to the supermarket and be like that aswell. I for one have had a bloody guts full. I went in the other day to try and do some shopping and some little kid jumped out in front of the trolley (while being an idiot of course) plonk right on the floor. Every one looked at me like it was my fault. Like hell it was. I think that as a country we should ban children from public places. On chitty chitty bang bang they had the perfect society. They had a Kid Catcher. Their world was awesome. I propose putting david benson pope as the kid catcher. Though his methods may be unorthodox, they work. And as the tax payers we should be paying for his tennis balls and whatever other apparatus he needs.

On the other side of things old people. While shopping instead of shopping they meander along slowly. so slow in fact that any sudden movements of an overtaking nature may startle them as their mind will only register two frames of movement a second. This is like for us being stuck in a never ending strobe light. They dress their best to get a can of sauce for dinner. Now I'm sorry if this sounds anti old people but well it works. In the eskimo villages once a person reaches their use by date. they put them on an ice flow and they then float out to sea. Maybe we should consider the wise eskimos course of action. Our economy would be better for two things. National was in charge, and if old people werent bludgeoning off the old people dole. The Pension. Go national. Or we could just employ and old people catcher??????? It could work.

Reality tv a hoax???

Last night at work some blasphemous words were spoken about reality tv. The words were that it was fake and rigged. Heretics. I highly doubt that survivor is fake. Sure they are never going to die out there as we have seen if they are any physical danger they are air lifted out. But thats rules mate. in order for it to be fake it would be an amazing scriptwriters but i dont think that anyone is capable of such pure human instinct genius. In the last survivor when they had the 10 mile tramp through the jungle? that was fake??? I'm pretty sure it wasnt. To have grown men like those guys were they would have had to poisoned them. There is no convienience whatso ever in the way people are voted off. Its all a basic strategy, its simple. to say there is a pattern. Not true. The only pattern is logic. I can understand how people say that Jerry springer is rigged, i mean there cant be that many people with odd problems like that. Can there? anyway the new survivor starts here in new zealand on sunday and i am going to watch it.

To the Masses of Joshimdon

The followers of this here blog will be glad to hear that there is a new survivor about to be on tv3. This rates in my reality tv book right up there with american idol which i am watching at the moment. Anyway down to more important news. The people that read my blog all the way over in places like Fiji, Bula Bula. This is grounbreaking stuff. I was out i the garden and planted some trees. I think that thats a bit more than the labour government is doing. Those right wing pinkos!

To my most loyal commentor!

Sez. Some Random but nice girl has been loyally commenting on my blog. Though sometimes this comments seem misplaced and perhaps should be on the greenpeace website. Still she is loyal with these. So I thought I would write her a poem.

Sez
Mez
Kez
Pez
Dez
rez
kyez
Sez

Pretty heartwarming. That goes out to you SEZ.

For Us unto It Imparts

I just recently did a test on the internet one of those silly are you a frog or a fish type tests except this one struck my interest, after seeing on charlottes blog, i thought hey i might be a republican. and well, did my guesstimate prove right.

You are a Social Conservative (25% permissive) and an... Economic Conservative (78% permissive) You are best described as a: Strong Republican Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

sorry loyal readers

Sorry all the loyal readers who read my blog, about the absence of anything resembling a blog since the tom cruise article. Since then tom cruise has had a baby, or so the news told me. I would have thought it would have been quite an ordeal for a man to have a baby, but hes never been happier. Good on him. Dunedin has since flooded, no civil service here just radio warnings not to travel to mosgiel. Like we really needed those warnings anyway! The leith has gone over the top thanks to the trees being removed further up the creek. Thanks to those bloody environmentalists. They knew it would happen. Gore, has a medium to high security alert from homeland security. The terrorists see it as a place where they can assert there dominance to inbred new zealand. Thanks Helen Clark. She knew it was only a matter of time before her family was threatened. Rainbows end has been labelled as a gay wonderland. Rain and bow being labelled as Gay icons for speaking out about the imminent communist threat. Thanks Stalin. All in all I think its been a good last few weeks. Good Night New Zealand.

Richard Gere, Tom Cruise or Damon Wayons

Making a choice of which defence service of going into is like choosing one of these three. Either you could be Tom Cruise, A maverick pilot who abides by noones rules but their own, and have friends called ace and Goose A.K.A Top gun. Or you could be Richard Gere sweeping women off their feet in a stunning naval officers uniform Re: An officer and a gentleman. Or a Damon Wayans, Hard talking, tough walking order obeying hard ass eg Major Payne. Growing up in this era of great movies, I considered myself a maverick aka tom cruise in Top Gun. With my motorcycle, cruising off into the distant sunset. However, when i found out that new zealand doesnt have any planes in their airforce. Decent ones anyway, my career path was put to the navy. It suits me Just fine as I can handle the chicks. I might even need one of those clicker things on the new lynx ad. Thats me, well watch this space.

Big Wednesday

Big wednesday? The only thing big about it was when i was a number short, and then got the coin toss incorrect. Big Disappointment more like it. It really gutted me when i couldnt win the big wednesday. Naturally. (Sorry about the non genius of this blog, my brain isnt working today)

Manefestatation of egg.

What came first the chicken or the egg? Because first we have to look at both sides of the argument. The chicken would have had to come first in order to lay the egg. But in order to have the chicken we would have had to have an egg first, because chickens come from eggs. Makes sense? Well there are two sides to this. The first is the Creationists side of things, which is pretty straight forward. The Chicken came first, because thats how the higher power made it and if you think otherwise you are wrong. Pretty simple. The evolutionists will argue, that the egg came first and it was laid in fact by another creature and due to a genetic mutation in the 3rd chromosome which gave this animal a competive edge in the niche it was occupying, it was able to go on and eventually the chicken bred and bred until it was the chicken. This happened over a period of a thousand years and if you think otherwise you are wrong.


Joshtoria-answering the big Questions

Bird hypochondria.

Bird flu. We all know the name of it, and we are all meant to be scared of it. But lets face the reality of it, noones really going to be scared of it until it hits australia, and even then we will just laugh at the aussies cause they have it and we dont. Last time I checked we werent birds and even the most stuffed up evolutionist doesnt claim we came from them. We come from monkeys people! So this mutation that is supposedly going to knock off half the worlds population, will strike new zealand in the next six months? Or a year? Or maybe two? Listen New Zealand we have to look at the last few times that New Zealand has been asked to prepare for things. 1999-2000 the millenium bug. Cant remember? Its when all the computers would go haywire because the year had changed. What happened? Nothing. Next 2003 Sars. Did that reach New Zealand? No, Being the superbug it was it couldnt quite mangae to crawl its way out of the slums of asia. Where only people living in the worse conditions gotit. Maybe it wasnt the hygiene, Maybe it was those designer face masks every one started wearing. Yeah thats it. thats what stopped that pandemic. 2004 Tsunami preparation. Though tsunamis are once in a lifetime things, despite kaikoura being the only area where a tsunami is actually likely to hit, all New zealand got a warning to start putting those stores away. Yet, If my logic serves me correctly, and it normally does, then wouldnt a tsunami wash away all of our stores? Unless you live on a hill inland that is. Now bird Flu. Its seems to me that all of these big scares have only happened whill a certain helen clark is in charge. Odd, or maybe all the world leaders are like her? Maybe. Wise up New Zealand.

The aliens are out to get us?

Heard this phrase lately? How about tales of secret government missions to colonise new planets? Or heres one, That I just an average joe blogs knows about these things but noone else does. Why? who knows? Must be those aliens! I was at work the other day and we were joking about those aliens (as ya do) and one of the guys said Quote "Whats so funny about that? You know that the government(new zealands) has sent a special mission with astronauts to this planet like earths and they will get there soon" Unquote. This spurred another person to encourage him and say its all true. Though I am not quite an operating thetan level five yet, I know that the New Zealand government being a young nat member, is involved in no conspiracy to send astronauts to another planet. Surely it would appear on the budget, or is this where the election advertising that labour overspent on went? Its all a cover up aye! No doubt about that aye? Do you think that maybe for a minute it could all be, well, Crap? But of course you are right Dave. You being privy, as a high ranking pak'n save Officer to the governments most top secret information. Yeah thats it sorry to ever doubt your beliefs dave. You must be right, there is no way that someone as average as me could ever be as highly enlightened as you Dave. Dont get me wrong New Zealand, I am not intoleran of religious beliefs, no quite the opposite I am hugely tolerant. Just not of people who think that our tiny government has a "hidden agenda" to find E.T. It just doesnt make sense, you idiots. Maybe its a psycological thing? when they were young theye were brutally probed by Alf? Its about time that these people grew up. We have a word for it in our extensive english language. Cult. Thats right you heard it here first New Zealand. Cult. If someone tells you that the New Zealand government has covered up anything that isnt genetically modified corn, then the odds are that within a month a comet will be passing by, and on that comet will be Mohammed, Buddha and Jesus and they demand that we kill ourselves and thats the only way we can get to this comet. Why dont we just get on a freaking spaceship? There may be aliens out there, who knows. I'm not 100% sure. But these fantastical stories which could easily be made into a novel co authored by L Ron Hubbard is just Crap. Maybe if these people had any type of entreprenueral insite, they would sell their storie to hollywood first? So that other starstruck followers like themselves could see a low budget movie about their crazy views? Eminem did it. Oh too late Roswell did it first. As Rove Mcmanus would say "what the?". Exactly. Its like a tui ad. The aliens are out to get us. Yeah right

The abhorrent behaviour of youth

Last night when i saw on the tv that at the youth rate protest, young people sat on the road and did not let a ambulance pass. That disgusted me. really i am all for proactive protest to things like the youth rate but this was just stupid. The people who organised the event, cannot be held responsible for the ambulance incident, but should be held accountable for trying to make this protest the cool thing to do. I can guarantee that the majority of those high school kids dont evn have jobs and were just doing it to bunk some time off of school. In my personal opinion these kids should grow some brains. It was a stupid thing to do and personally i think that they should have been arrested for what they did. It was dumb. They need to grow up. It really makes me mad.

Campbell

Is John Campbell the best news reader ever??? Yes, I personally and also the majority of new zealanders think so. I mean to make the prime minister Helen clark get flustered (especially with her manly staunchness) thats not bad at all. That makes him the man in my books. The continual mockery of poor peter no air time, also ranks him highly in my books. His awry sense of humour makes me laugh at the people his mocks. I liked the winstons bride picture he did. Brilliant. For those Judy Jovial Bailey supporters out there, well her time as the mother of the nation is at an end. I am pretty sure that she didnt actually mother the nation that would have been quite an effort. It is un natural to mother a country. at the end of the day my 7:00 - 7:30 slot shall be always taking up with campbell live, flashing to family guy in the ads.

Christchurch, New Zealands Most racist city.

Could it be true?? Well isnt it freaking obvious. I went there and the national front were racist to be and i'm whiter than most of them. I really dont know how that works, but on Campbell live (possibly the best current affairs show on tv) he challenged the mayor on what was being done to make the place better. The Mayor Garry Moore decided to start a new incentive. He took a non racist couple and introduced them to an immigrant couple. I'm so glad that all the racism will be gone because non racist people are talking to other races. Surely National front will take notice and realise that thats the way to live. Good work Old Gaz for solving the worlds Racism problem. Whats next on his agenda? World peace, Making poverty history. With the amount of iniative this guy has the world is his oyster. Maybe we should elect him as the next prime minister of our country? surely Helen Clark is on the way out? Next time I see him I might yell out some racial taunts at him, Get invited out for dinner? Hey thanks the Christchurch rate payer. Its good to know that what the canterbury rate payer pays for, they get their moneys worth. This Guy is an idiot. How bout a few changes in policy so everyone has to actually do it? Hey national front look out, gazza is gonna get you with condiments.
Mate, Mate , Mate.

The below par performance of the new zealand hockey team

i was watching the new zealand mens hockey team play england today at the commonwealth games, and to say that their below par performance was worth watching. I wouldnt say that at all. It was a dismal effort against a team which has maybe two hundred test caps altogether. 152 of them coming from one player. (200 is nothing in hockey) new zealand would have maybe four hundred between them. You know that something is up when hayden shaw misses two drag flicks. The problem with the team is that they play too technical. Its a womens style that they are playing. No physicality at all. It looks like their natural style of play is interuppted by way too much passing. If they brought some high school type play back into the squad and varied it up a bit then maybe we would climb in the ranks. The Netherlands do it and to watch them play is like watching a good movie. Full of twists and turns. BUt yeah the new zealand men need to put some man into their performance.